Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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