i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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