Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
