Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
is that a dick in a sweater?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
