Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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