It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
