Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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