Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
