i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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