There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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