it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
