Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
