I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
