please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
