Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
