I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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