a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
