Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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