you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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