yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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