No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
