Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
i black out too much to be "responsible"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
