im having a threesome with these popsicles
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
