I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
is it fun? or sober?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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