i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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