dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
