Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
