i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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