She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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