When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
