Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Pappa wants mamma naked
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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