from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
