you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
All I want is dick and wine.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
