I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
