I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
