Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
