I wanna passion pit in your ass
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
