p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just googled if crying burns calories
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
