i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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