Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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