So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
