Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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