maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
