Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
