So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
