Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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