hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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