White coat. Heels.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
