That's intense
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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