so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
