lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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