If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
