I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
