Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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